March Event-in-a-Box: Healing After Abortion:On January 19, 2018, I participated in my first March for Life. For as many times as I have shared my story publicly, spoken to post-abortive and abortion-determined women privately, and vocally professed my pro-life stance; I woke up on January 19 with a very heavy heart. It was a gut feeling that I can’t really describe. I’ve participated in a breast cancer walk, Alzheimer’s walk, and Autism Awareness 5Ks, because they have held some type of significant meaning to me. The March for Life not only held a significant meaning to me, but also a reminder. A reminder of the worst day of my life.
October 5, 2011, I walked into an abortion facility and took the life of my first child. This sentence, even 6 ½ years later, still stings. I have shared the circumstances surrounding that day many times. I walked into that facility thinking that “choice” was my only answer, but I walked out broken, hurt, and misguided. Not only did my unborn child die that day, but a part of myself died that day too.
Years of heartache went by filled with more broken relationships. A need to have alcohol in my hand, a man paying attention to me, and a busy social calendar were what controlled my life. That’s where I found my identity in the years following my abortion. My friends just thought I was doing what any mid-twenty-year-old woman would do in Dallas. However, no one around me knew the grief that I still held onto that I was trying to suppress with my nights out. The flashbacks that would still find their way into my head, the memories of that October day that would randomly resurface at any given moment. And the number of times I would fight back tears at the slightest thought of the “what-ifs.” After all, society had told me that I didn’t need to grieve my abortion. Nurses told me that it wasn’t a baby. My boyfriend convinced me that “it just wasn’t a good time right now.” So why was I hurting?
One morning, after another night out, I found myself sobbing alone in my apartment. I couldn’t live this way anymore. I couldn’t live with the pain of never feeling good enough, of feeling broken and lost. I was tired of hurting and knew that I needed to return to the one thing that I had given up on. I began attending a church in Dallas, TX, that advertised post-abortive recovery for women. I fought to convince myself I didn’t need it and I walked into the first session very half-heartedly.
Post-abortive recovery changed my life. It began the process of healing a wound that that never would have healed on its own. It was the hardest 12 weeks I’ve had to endure, but I would do it all over again. That piece of me that I felt had died was restored. My mom has even said that post-abortive recovery “brought her girl back.” And now, two years after completing recovery, I’ve been called to work in the pro-life movement. I’ve been purposed for this mission to rescue the preborn and help women from the devastation that I faced.
To post-abortive women:
I get it. I know the circumstances you were facing. I understand the thoughts that may have been going through your head that day. I understand the fear of the unknown you faced as you walked through the doors that day. And I also understand your hurt, even the hurt that you don’t think you have.
I hope that I can be a beacon of hope to you. I hope that my story shows you that even though society is telling you to keep quiet and not to worry about that day, I hope I can show you that you don’t need to keep quiet. I want you to see that it is okay to grieve the child you lost and there is hope beyond that grief. I want to show you that you are worthy of healing. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of freedom from regret and those memories. There’s grace waiting for you beyond your regret. I will hold your hand as you take that first step, and there are so many other women I have met that are ready to help and love you.
I’ve met women that have suffered multiple abortions, including women that didn’t seek healing until they were in their 60’s from an abortion that happened in their teens. You are not alone in this, you have a sisterhood standing behind you and will walk with you the whole way.
Helping the post-abortive woman
The post-abortive woman needs just as much love as the woman who chose life. The post-abortive woman is fighting psychological battles that she may not know how to communicate. Just like a woman facing a crisis pregnancy needs compassion and a team to stand up for her, a post-abortive woman needs to feel love and support, not shame. Society tells post-abortive women to keep quiet, so she is forced to fight the battles alone.
Read this for more information on mental and emotional side effects of abortion
3 points in communicating:
Avoid sharing statistics. Statistics are not going to give her the compassion she is yearning for. What she wants from you is a listening ear and possibly a shoulder to cry on. This woman is wanting you to listen to her story and meet her where she’s at mentally and emotionally without a shade of shame or judgement.
Build her trust. I’ve met women that sought abortion after some heart-breaking circumstances. I’m friends with women who have had multiple abortions and their stories are very traumatic. She doesn’t want you to act shocked by her story or surprised. She might confuse that with judgement. Communicate to her how sorry you for her loss. This will build the bridge to referring her to healing.
Finally, compassionately and delicately offer her resources for healing. Whether that is a healing program, or someone like myself that has been there and can just go have coffee with her. I have had the joy of mentoring girls through the same recovery program that I went through, and it all began over coffee (or Chinese food-I will accept either).
On January 19, 2018, I Marched for Life. I marched with my head held high. I marched for my child, I marched for the many children that have been lost to the devastation of abortion. I marched for the post-abortive women that still carry their grief. I marched to end abortion.
At the end of the day, I believe Grace wins. I believe in the power of forgiveness. I believe that we all have a story to tell and a cross to bear. I take up my cross daily with my platform in the pro-life movement. If you or someone you know would like to talk about their post-abortive regret or have questions on where to go for help, please feel free to contact me- I will sit and be an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I’ve been there too. If my story can save one woman, one child, one life- that one woman or one child, can save others. That is my purpose.
See the full video of my story and more information on post-abortive recovery.
March 2018 Event in a Box
If you can’t tell, we are focusing on the topic of Post-Abortive Healing and Recovery for the month of March.
We have included several types of outreach material that you can use on your campus.
Campus and Group Activities:
Speaker flyer- host a speaker on your campus for your group meetings or have a speaking event
Ally is the National Programs Coordinator for SFLA and has spoken at many events and churches
Tina, Executive Vice President of Students for Life of America, has volunteered with Rachel’s Vineyard for 7 years and uses her experience there to speak on post-abortive healing
Use the brochures included to reach out to the organizations for speakers
Brochures and postcards-make copies if needed
Use these as resources to give to women on your campus
Ask if you can leave some in the campus clinic
Leave some in your campus counseling office
Leave some in your campus ministry office
Reach out to local post-abortive organizations for speakers and materials
Autumn Lindsey responds to burning clinic question
Intention matters. These are the two words that come to mind when I read the tweets by Patrick S. Tomlinson. He is quite proud of himself for posing a hypothetical question to the pro-life community that has supposedly stumped people for years.
Here it is. You’re in a fertility clinic. Why isn’t important. The fire alarm goes off. You run for the exit. As you run down this hallway, you hear a child screaming from behind a door. You throw open the door and find a five-year-old child crying for help.
They’re in one corner of the room. In the other corner, you spot a frozen container labeled “1000 Viable Human Embryos.” The smoke is rising. You start to choke. You know you can grab one or the other, but not both before you succumb to smoke inhalation and die, saving no one
Do you A) save the child, or B) save the thousand embryos? There is no “C.” “C” means you all die.
He says he has never been able to get a straight answer to his question. He feels that pro-life supporters are finally cornered and have no answer to this pretend scenario he constructed.
He goes on to say,
No one, anywhere, actually believes an embryo is equivalent to a child. That person does not exist. They are lying to you.
They are lying to you to try and evoke an emotional response, a paternal response, using false-equivalency.
No one believes life begins at conception. No one believes embryos are babies, or children. Those who claim to are trying to manipulate you so they can control women.
Let’s go back to my first thought.
If I were in a burning building, and I heard a small child crying, I would grab that child and run. If I knew embryos were within reach, I would grab as many as possible on my way. I would fill my pockets and the child’s pockets as I ran for safety. He says I can’t choose that, but I get to decide what I do when I am in a fictional burning building. My point is, my intentions are good. I mean, even firemen in actual burning buildings have to do their best when deciding who to save and who to leave. The point is, it is tragic for any person to die in a fire.
My second thought is this.
If someone chooses to save the five-year old, that doesn’t in any way mean that the embryo’s lives have no value.
It means a decision had to be made, and sometimes in emergency chaotic situations, we go on our instincts and try our best. Saving the child doesn’t erase the fact that all of the embryos lost in the fire would be an incredible and tragic loss. The child has value, the embryos have value, and I have value.
I would like to ask Patrick my own question:
What if two of those embryos in this burning building were your twins? What if you and your wife struggled with fertility for years, and after using every cent you have, you now have a hope for a family. Your tiny babies are sitting there in danger of being destroyed. That changes things, doesn’t it? The bottom line is that no matter who dies, it is a loss.
Patrick said, “No one believes life begins at conception.” He says if you believe this, you are only trying to control women.
I think Patrick is a little behind the times, because science has established that life begins at conception. For instance, Landrum B. Shettles, M.D., P.h.D. said, “The zygote is human life….there is one fact that no one can deny; Human beings begin at conception.” Sally B Olds Quoted in Eric Pastuszek. Is the Fetus Human? “The term conception refers to the union of the male and female pronuclear elements of procreation from which a new living being develops. It is synonymous with the terms fecundation, impregnation, and fertilization … The zygote thus formed represents the beginning of a new life.” I suppose if Patrick doesn’t know this, his hypothetic question makes a little more sense.
The problem is, some people do know life begins at conception, and still don’t care. So asking leading hypothetical questions is not going to help you prove an illogical conclusion. All lives are important, born and preborn. End of story.